#the consumerist journey

[neverendingrelease]

Releasing Today, Mar 8 2024!

This is another decent into chaos/madness kinda game day - so bear with me.

Summerhouse is a chill 2d house building sandbox. It's just there for you to have fun building in - no goals or game overs.

Star Racer is an arcade racing game clearly inspired by F-Zero. It adds offensive items like Mario Kart, and I see some kinda Panzer Dragoon kinda shooting? It has a level editor and apparently music by Grant Kirkhope. No online play unfortunately. I'm also confused why it doesn't have a steam thumbnail.

Bore Blasters is a 2D roguelike mining and collecting game. Honestly it looks really entertaining and replayable because of the ways you can mine. I like that it's kinda like lunar lander in a way too.

Phenom Overdrive is an atmospheric exploration shmup with multiple endings.

The Consumerist Journey is a surreal exploration game discussing "the nature of consumerism, capitalism, and the human condition".

Abyssal Reflections is a "short Atmospheric depressing non-jumpscare" first person game. Apparently you're supposed to be asking yourself - "Who am I, what am I? I'm a robot, right? Anyway, I've got a couple of Objectives I don't have time for right now." I have no idea what's going on here tbh

Barbotine is an first person horror game that starts with like a party but ends with you fighting C19 people with... tendril arms and one that comes out of your chest?!? It's only ~25 minutes long so it'll be a short and very weird experience if you dare play it.

[celestial-fang]

Going to sound like a white marble statue pfp guy but getting back into the habit of reading serious literature is really detoxing my brain.

Not just in terms of repairing attention span but more a reminder that… yeah, stories don’t need to be perfect moral lessons or escapism encapsulated in a clear hero’s journey or even make the reader feel good?

Contrast this with the disgusting trends in recent publishing (YA and SFF especially) where authors and artists get torn down for ‘not representing their identities correctly’ and the slightest misstep, or people immediately refusing to engage with any books that might contain something on their trigger warning list?

No, it’s perfectly fine to be upset and challenged once in a while. It’s also fine to read something on an advanced reading level that’s not instantly gratifying but makes you experience something new. It’s even fine to- god forbid- read things that aren’t morally correct and then not piss and cry about it using every trending buzzword to grift attention.

God please read something beyond consumerist slop

[marimoscorner]

Consumerism & Witchcraft

Written by Marimo (he/they)🌿

I’ve seen a turn for the better in some witchy spaces regarding consumerism in the past few years, but overall it still tends to be an issue for us as a community. I’ve decided to try and breakdown the pitfalls I’ve noticed in my own journey, in the hopes that it will inspire and assist others. I’ve also provided alternatives and ideas on how to make small changes in our practice to help us better protect the Earth, stick it to the failing system and still acquire our bits and bobs we love so dearly.

As always, I am no authority on any subject nor am I perfect—but we’re all learning as we go, so let’s dive right in 🌿

A Preface

There are some things that should be made entirely clear before we begin:

You are not a bad person for wanting an aesthetic

You are not a bad person for unknowingly falling into pitfalls. Only if you continue to purposefully do so after knowing better

You are not a bad person for consuming content/objects or for not always making the most sustainable decisions. At the end of the day, we can only control our small part of environmental impact, while the rest is left up to the major corporations that make more pollution than any of us ever will

You are only human. Show yourself some grace and understanding that the internet so lacks.

My Experience in Consumerist Hell

I have fallen victim many times to consumerism in witchcraft. Starting my journey at the ripe age of about ten years old and heavily in the broom closet, I was quickly drawn in by the shiny rocks, the brand new candles and scents, the promise of new tarot decks and pendulums and other fancy, shiny new equipment. I was consuming an online aesthetic along with my ideals, and it distracted me from starting my journey by learning well.

I began to spend my birthday and holiday money on the aesthetic of things. While, granted, I still did buy a few literary resources now and again from my local secondhand bookstore—I was stubbornly ignoring the sage advice to learn and understand first before diving in headfirst.

I purchased statues, crystals, too many tarot decks to use. I purchased osteomancy bones I later returned to the earth, for I had not done enough research to know that that animal was mine to practice with. I had a tankard full of incense sticks, and even a growing pile of books that would not be read. While I liked to consider myself crafty with my homemade Maypole and various hand-bound Grimoires, something was becoming apparent: this was all a distraction.

The aesthetic I was partaking in was providing me with a false sense of progress and practicality.

When I’d go to do a tarot reading, I’d become far too overwhelmed with choosing a deck to read in the first place. When making an offering to a deity, I’d feel pressured to also bolster the altars of all the other deities I’d set up, and with my wide pool, the connections felt muddy. Often times I’d be off-put on a project or spell because I knew I needed to film it and it needed to look nice.

In the long term, I don’t have many of these items today. I’ve sold and donated a vast breadth of them. Feeling overwhelmed costed me a few years retreat from my craft to recuperate. However, what has stuck with me is the knowledge I picked up along the way.

So, What’s the Issue? TL;DR

I’ve noticed a few issues here in making these mistakes myself.

Consumerism absolutely distracts you from learning and your craft

Overconsumption leads to environmental damage. If everyone hoarded supplies, there would not be enough to go around. And with what gets thrown away every year…it paints an ugly wound on the Earth

We damage our learning abilities by not allowing ourselves to be anything less than perfect

The need for aesthetic creates barriers to entry within the community and creates a divide of haves and have-nots

You won’t be able to truly follow your individual path if you are only consuming and not creating for yourself

Consumerist culture promotes appropriation. Metaphysical stores carry items from closed practices (such as white sage and palo santo, or coyote bones) because someone is buying them. Don’t be that person, and find alternatives relating to your own culture instead

Consumerism can influence your spiritual decisions based upon monetary inclinations (where some may sacrifice a quality ingredient over a higher quantity of a lower quality ingredient)

So, what can we do?

Firstly, I want to clarify that I am not against collecting, nor am I against maximalism or the beautiful visual aesthetic we carry as a community.

I am an artist a very visual person and understand the longing for a beautiful home and workspace. However, this aesthetic shouldn’t come at the cost of irresponsibly harming the Earth or another community.

Thus, I’ve compiled a list of small things that I will be incorporating into my practice to make it more mindful and sustainable. I hope that you’ll join me in a few of them.

Minimize Supplies. While I used to have a huge selection of stationary for my Grimoire, I now limit myself to a simple pencil and watercolor set if I’m feeling artistic. This helps me actually use my Grimoire for study, rather than to keep perfect. It’s also friendlier on my wallet!

Thrift Supplies. There are plenty of perfectly good items that get donated daily. You can get high-quality candles and holders, old crystal bowls for altar offerings, spare crafting supplies, fabric for alter cloths and even clothing if you so wish—all for a fraction of the cost new and while saving the planet just a little bit more. Hell, you can sometimes even find good silver!

Share Supplies with your Community. You can create a sort of barter system with other witches in your area. Perhaps you create a sigil for them, and they provide you with a candle spell. Play to your strengths and grow together!

Look for Creative Outlets. Do you really need to go buy an altar statue that’s been mass-produced? Or can you give your deity the personal gift of a drawing, painting or even hand-modeled or hand-carved rendition? This will also deepen your connection to your craft and your magic, and make it more meaningful and stronger. If you really like something, though, go for it!

If you aren’t the artistic sort, consider supporting an artist before going to a large company. While I haven’t purchased from them myself, Blagowood on Etsy has beautiful deity statues carved from wood by their small team in Ukraine for a comparable cost to the standard mass produced metal statues. I consider this extra labor of love going into these pieces and those of similar small companies to be much better energy for my practice. I myself may put out some art prints and other handmade supplies in the future, but I will likely spread them around my community first.

Try Secondhand Books. While not available in every area and further still not as available for witchcraft and occult books, you may strike luck! Not only are secondhand books less expensive, but you’ll be supporting a local business. That’s not to say you can’t buy firsthand books, but some searching around may be beneficial to the earth and to your wallet in the long run.

Be mindful of where you source supplies and decor. If you are a fan of taxidermy decor, make sure that you source cruelty free. Bats can practically never be sourced without cruelty, so if a shop carries them, I’d be mindful of their other specimens. The same goes for if a shop decides to forgo a culture’s wishes and carry supplies sacred to them, such as white sage or dreamcatchers. Supporting folks who turn a profit off of others’ suffering is not something many would wish to include energetically in their craft.

Search the Wild for Tools. Find sticks, flowers and other plants out in the forest. Learn how to rockhound in your area for crystals. Your craft will be more powerful the more connected it is to the land you are surrounded by. Be sure to reference guides for safety and legality!

Get Creative with Purposes. If you are having difficulty finding exactly what you need by thrifting or searching, make another tool multipurpose if it would do the job good enough. Find supplies that are easy to source and work as substitutes for other ingredients (ex. Quartz as a stand in for other stones)

Spend more time Doing. Go out into the woods (safely) and advance your connection to the earth instead of worrying over the perfect item for your collection. Your craft will benefit

At the end of the day, all of this is your decision. Take what you like, and leave what you don’t. Even if we don’t agree, I thank you for your time and open mind. I will continue updating about how I incorporate these steps, and I will also hopefully post more on witchy crafting in the future.

I wish you well, and hope you’ll decide to follow along on our journey!

[drunk-on-dk]

OVERSET | JEON WONWOO (M)

Pairing: ai!wonwoo x R&D!reader Genre: fluff, angst, smut Rating: 18+ (minors do NOT interact) w/c: ~9.4k

Synopsis: Increasingly becoming cognizant of the worlds surrounding him, W0NW00, an AI so carefully wired and generated with the purest intentions even has the potential to become jaded. How can such a consumeristic world be so cruel when all he once knew was the joys of 53V3NT33N? This new understanding makes him unfamiliar to fans; his creator sending him to you, a trusted developer of LEVEL 1 robots, in hopes that you can reverse the sudden changes in W0NW00’s conscious. Are you part of the system W0NW00 is learning to become adverse to? Or will your presence help remind him of the world he once only had knowledge of?

This is part of the Seventeen Sci-Fi Collab organized by the amazing @idyllic-ghost! Big thank you to Bee for being the genius behind this collab, all the world-building and work you've put into this is amazing. The sci-fi genre was something I had yet to attempt, and I found this enjoyable to write (thank you as well for being extremely patient as it took me awhile to feel comfortable enough with my edits to post this).

You can read all the fics here!!

18+ warnings under the cut!

warnings: reader & Wonwoo can be quite pessimistic; commentary on consumerism (?); reader is a bit systematic and lacks personality initially, they take their job very seriously; smut, unprotected sex (practice safe sex habits pls), was supposed to be suggestive but became a bit explicit.

a/n: I love the sci-fi genre, but writing my own sci-fi fic was a bit of a challenge for me. I had not meant to delay so much, but had been in a bit of an editing rut. I really hope you all enjoy this fic, as I am quite excited to expand more into sci-fi. Also major shoutout to @wonuwoe as I appreciate all the brainstorming and getting to meet you through this collab!!

★+ Prologue +★

"100 years ago it was thought that the Earth, as we know it, would disintegrate. That the sun would implode and leave everything in darkness. Miraculously, it didn't. Due to some external force, human scientists still haven't agreed upon what it exactly was, none of the planets in our former solar system were ever destroyed. The Earth, along with the other planets, were pushed away from each other, and ended up in different parts of the universe. Earth just happened to come to a solar system with alien life. At first, we were cautious, and people were prepared to fight. However, the aliens were welcoming of our planet. Those of us who didn't die from 'The Great Journey' or from trying to fight the aliens, were welcomed into the new solar system. Soon enough, we had integrated completely, and we received materials and assistance from our sister-planets in exchange for human labor. What humans knew of technology was very limited, but with the resources of the aliens we created artificial life forms. We named these robots Automaton, and they served as workers when humans couldn't. Eventually, there was no need for human labor at all. To pay back for the help the aliens gave us, we used Automatons. With the extensive development of these robots, we eventually managed to create artificial sentient life. These Automatons were human-like in looks and had human consciousness, but they could not bleed and were stronger than we ever could be. At the present time, there are even different levels of Automatons. Level 3 robots are the workers, level 2 robots are the caretakers, and level 1 robots are the celebrities. The Automaton music group 53V3NT33N (SEVENTEEN) is made up of 13 members, all very talented, and all representing two human states of mind."

★+ Under Diagnosis +★

W0NW00's previous developer had quit on him - more so had fled from the company, which was quite the gossip for many - unable to solve the sudden changes in consciousness that he was facing. Not even his lead cognitive researcher could understand this change in W0NW00. It all had become too much, the company put too much pressure on his previous developer, and him as well. Though he was a robot, he became increasingly aware of the demanding schedules and consumerism of it all.

What had made W0NW00 act this way? Why did his dominantly kind demeanor turn sour all of a sudden? Suddenly, his malicious side was portrayed more to fans, his unwavering kindness cracking beneath the spotlight. There was no explanation and it was not like any form of brute force could reset the drastic changes in his attitude.

At least to say, management really did not like this change in the automata. Even though there had been some oddities in other members of 53V3NT33N, W0NW00's recent behavior was starting to become quite troublesome in the eyes of the company, requiring his managers to pay extra close attention to what made the seemingly perfect idol tick. After all, his emotions were kindness and maliciousness. Fans of the group liked this duality, loved it even, as it made him an intense member.

However, W0NW00's cognitive system had been faring a little too much on the malicious side as of recently. His self-portrayal was turning bitter due to his sudden stand-offish nature. No one would understand why, it was hurting his relationship with the fans, and management feared it would harm his relationship with group members.

These changes have put W0NW00 in an increasingly tricky situation. Nights were no longer spent with other members, rather W0NW00 had been stationed in the research and development laboratory in the company building. Continuous tests were run on him, trying to understand his quickly developing violent thoughts. 

The first red flag was aggression towards other members, not physical aggression, but words of malice spoken to other members after schedules that went well. W0NW00 would always find a way to call out something he noticed wrong. Not that he meant to necessarily harm the members, but he couldn't help but nitpick at each and every flaw. 

5C0UP5 noticed it in the form of non-compliance and lack of care for the group's reputation. The leader couldn't wrap his head around this changing behavior either. W0NW00 had never been one to do anything unbeknownst to the group, but W0NW00 began to put the group at risk as he began to break the rules. He'd sneak out quickly after schedules in order to get extra charging hours, which would ultimately end up ruining rest and charging hours for the rest of the group. W0NW00's lack of care would peeve the rest of the automas off. 

Fans noticed it too, as W0NW00 wasn't responding as positively during events, which is when the company started becoming increasingly worried about the robot. Fans started questioning what had changed as well. 

Through this all, W0NW00 felt lost. He knew he was a robot, he knew what he was made for after all, but W0NW00 felt human, his conscience was human-like after all. Was this all that he was made for? Is he just a commodity? Then why does he feel this way about being consumed by others? Why can't he make any mistakes? Why can't he be his own entity? What would he be without 53V3NT33N? These are all things that began to drive W0NW00 deeper into his negative state. 

Management deemed it was time to take action, thus landing W0NW00 in the lab for further troubleshooting and ending up with you. 

★+ The First Encounter +★

W0NW00 remembers his first encounter with you all too well. You strolled into the office, glancing briefly at him with inquisitive eyes, and paying no further attention to where he was sitting at the examination table. After your brief fixation on him, your eyes remained focused on the clipboard grasped tightly in your right hand. You sat down with a sigh, clipboard clattering in the quiet room and making W0NW00 fully shift his attention towards you. His eyes which had once shimmered with kindness now had a dullness to them, a feature that his previous developer could not determine what had caused this change along with his negative state. 

You shimmied the mouse gently to awaken the bright LED screen. The clicking sound resounded across the room as you opened the software, humming in acknowledgment as the information regarding the robot illuminated before you. 

His previous developer's notes left you inquisitive as you skimmed them. This was a peculiar case. Typically it was easy for companies with R&D centers this powerful to reverse such effects on the cognitive state of the robots. 

"Good afternoon," You spoke gently, sounding polite yet W0NW00 could sense some firmness in your tone. "My name is Y/N, I am pleased to be assigned as your new developer. Can you please confirm your name for me?" You had a plethora of historical data and information that you could read on the screen in front of you, but it was protocol to ask. 

If one thing was to be known, it was that you always followed the expected protocols. 

That's why W0NW00's company hired you after all. 

"W0NW00," he spoke flatly, eyes focusing on the white, sterile walls ahead of him. It was the sort of room that would make anyone feel a bit unwelcome and cold. "Sixth member of 53V3NT33N." 

The fluorescent lighting made his vision go a bit blurry, he had always been a bit sensitive in this sense, and it's always been an uncertainty as to why his vision was affected more than other members. This was reflected in the data that was fed to your computer. W0NW00 watched curiously as you stood up, adjusting the brightness of the lighting in the room to be more accommodating per his negative reaction.

W0NW00 almost registered this as pure-hearted kindness, until he remembered that every thought, feeling, and reaction of his was collected as data through the damn diagnostic band that is wrapped around his arm each session. Regardless, this eased W0NW00 a bit, and he appreciated it nonetheless. 

You noted the improvement as he visibly relaxed, jotting something down on your clipboard before turning to face him. Your heart beat faster upon facing him straight on. 

It was hard to avoid the fact that the robot before you was essentially perfect, trying to not let your cold exterior soften as W0NW00's eyes shifted from the wall towards yours. He looked so kind even with his sharp, cat-like features. 

You approach him, wrapping the diagnostic band around his arm. This band is intended to connect to a small port on his arm, feeding all the information you need to your computer. He's cold, unnerved as you smooth the band over his arm, and confirm that it is connected. 

As noted, something seemed extremely off about the robot. The dullness in his soft eyes pulled on your heartstrings a bit too much for comfort. 

Personally, as a developer, you always tried your best to remain systematic in your actions. Everything had to be performed exactly per the defined process. You continually reminded yourself that your patients were robots, not humans. It was your only way to detach yourself from them, or else you knew you'd grow too fond of the autos you helped develop. It is too easy to do nowadays. 

Regardless of the tremor you felt within you, you proceeded with the diagnostic tests and questions. 

"Alright, W0NW00, now I'm going to run some tests. Please note I am not going to implement any changes in your system until these tests come back absolutely positive." 

"Noted," W0NW00 repeats blandly. "Can you please refer to me as just Wonwoo during these tests?"

You pause almost as if you're in thought, but you already know the answer. "I'm sorry, W0NW00, but that would be inappropriate of me. I have to refer to you by your designated name during these tests or else I can compromise the diagnostics." 

W0NW00 rolls his eyes in dissatisfaction, this doesn't go undetected by you. That was a new one. You'd never seen this much sass from a robot in a while, especially not a level 1 who was supposed to be perfectly charming. 

Turning back to your computer, you proceed with coding the tests for this session within the diagnostic system. 

"Our first test will be a data collection of your recent thoughts and actions, dating back to your most recent schedule. Can you recall anything that you'd like to share with me before I run this first test, W0NW00?"

"Hm," W0NW00 humors you, copying your trick from earlier as if to convince you he's thinking. You know better, especially since you can see this displayed directly in front of you on the screen. W0NW00 knows that too, but he's not going to make this easy for you. "Not necessarily." 

"Alright," you sigh, clicking the button to proceed with the first run of data. A copious amount of statistics are spat out on a separate sheet. This will be something for you to unpack later. You save this information, filing it away in W0NW00's collection for you to study after the remaining tests. 

"The next test will be to see if you have any reoccurring thoughts or actions. Are you willing to share any of those?" You pause, W0NW00 shakes his head to indicate he isn't willing to share any, so you continue with another data pull. 

You finish the session off with a couple of additional tests to further understand his cognitive state, tests that his previous developer hadn't been able to code and pull the statistics on. 

W0NW00 was relieved when you finally deemed the session complete. He felt drained, more than he ever had before - more than he ever felt after a long day of schedules. He couldn't wait to return to the dorm to charge. 

He watched as you downloaded the data from today's session to your electronic pad, the information transferring speedily and you ensured it was all there before putting the pad to sleep. 

W0NW00 noticed your systematic elegance as you took each step to save the data, file it away in an organized matter, and shut the computer down properly. Others had been a bit more careless, so W0NW00 almost appreciated your thoroughness. 

However, you were practically everything W0NW00 was growing distaste for. You were the system. You abided by it, you lived by it, and you would never understand him. He knew that damn well. You were about to know his thoughts about you as well. Part of him grew interested in the next session, just to see if it made you tick in any way. 

W0NW00 was stunned when you announced the diagnostic session was over, confirming the date of your next session, and leaving the room without another word. 

★+ New Day, Same Analysis +★

"Good Morning, W0NW00," you drone, still polite and as systematic as ever. W0NW00 didn't even bother to respond, sighing in resentment as you performed the same routine upon entry. He could predict your movements at this point after enduring multiple research sessions with you.

You stayed static, you portrayed no emotions during sessions, and it seemed as if you never would. It was beginning to drive W0NW00 a bit mad. W0NW00 was convinced he may be a bit more human than you, even if you were the one with a nervous system and heart pumping warm blood through your limbs. You might as well have the neural network of a robot at this point. 

It was a typical session. You'd enter in, bid W0NW00 "good morning" or "good afternoon" depending on the time of day, dim the lights, and turn on the LED computer screen. Your clipboard made the same jarring, clattering sound each time you set it down. 

You'd run the same damn tests. 

Ask the same damn questions. 

Collect the information on the same damn electronic pad. 

And you'd end the session with the same damn confirmation of the next. 

You seemed pleased with each session so far, but W0NW00 couldn't quite imagine you were able to gain much from these diagnostics. Maybe this session could be different if you'd just loosen up a bit. 

"Please," he sighs defeatedly, trying to soften your firm demeanor. "Please just refer to me as Wonwoo."

"I'm sorry, W0NW00," you'd start, but he'd cut you off before you could say another word. 

"But," he repeated the same words from each session when he'd ask this question. His words were bitter as he spoke. "But that would be inappropriate of me. I have to refer to you by your designated name during these tests or else I can compromise the diagnostics. Same old, same old, Y/N. You're so predictable." 

This stunned you a bit. You could see the switch before your eyes for once. He had asked for you to call him Wonwoo in such a kind, polite tone, yet when he realized you didn't bite the bait, he switched quickly on you. 

W0NW00 almost cried out, thinking he had cracked you for once, but this was reversed when you smiled, speedily writing something down on your clipboard as if this had satisfied you.

Which it did, you were excited to see the switch from his positive state to a negative state before you. This was exciting progress. You just needed a few more diagnostic tests to ensure there weren't any remaining outliers in the data that you could eliminate. 

W0NW00 could basically sense you bouncing in your seat, making his mood go sour for the remainder of the session. 

However, you threw W0NW00 off a bit this session, you had one new question. One that you declared you were able to establish from the other questions. 

"W0NW00," you hum, reading the question from your electronic pad, "what makes you so resistant to entertainment? I must question this, you're made to entertain after all?"

"What?" W0NW00 snarls, pulling the most visceral reaction from him yet. "I'm not resistant to entertainment. I'm not sure what you pulled from your data to get that understanding."

"Well, can you enlighten me? Or should I just run the test?" 

"Sure, I can enlighten you. Have you ever considered I feel the same way that you do? That I can have my own thoughts as you do?"

"Of course I do -"

"No," W0NW00 cuts you off. "I don't think you do, that is the thing. You run these tests on me like any other developer. Actually, you're a bit colder than most developers. But it's not just here. I can feel it everywhere else. I'm treated like a product. The whole group is treated like products. I know that's my duty, but I can't help but feel like there is more than being consumed. There is more to living, even if I am just an automation." 

You're aggressively typing this all into the computer, making sure you don't miss a single word as W0NW00 rambles on. This is the most W0NW00 has confided in you. Sure the tests pull valuable information regarding W0NW00's feelings, but this is more than the computer could ever tell you. Hearing W0NW00's organic stream of consciousness is extremely valuable to running your diagnostics. 

W0NW00 is quick to stop once he realizes he's pleasing you, ending his thoughts and returning his attention to the sterile wall ahead of him. "That is all." 

You try to hide your smile. He's being spiteful, you know he's realized that he has fed a bit too much information to you today, and he's stopping himself while he is at it. Regardless, you're pleased with today's session. 

You wrap up as usual. You collect all the data onto your electronic pad, file away the data, and turn off the computer. You're about to leave and confirm you're next session before W0NW00 stops you yet again.

"Save it," W0NW00 sighs. "I'm aware of when our next session is. You don't have to announce it each time. You're just like a broken record."

★+ OVERSET +★

"You don't understand it do you?" W0NW00 growls. Frustrated as another day passes with you as his developer. The same old routine is being performed over and over. You still don't understand his frustrations, at this point, anyone with a functioning brain should. He wasn't understanding why it wasn't clicking for you, you were clearly intelligent, but god damn, you were brainwashed by the system just like this company.

"What do you mean?" You question, intrigued by W0NW00's sudden outburst. He's more displeased than usual during your sessions. Whilst you've been able to collect a good amount of data from the previous sessions, you have slowly been seeing W0NW00 speak more and more. Today was clearly a day he was ready to speak. 

"That these sessions don't help."

You spin in your chair, turning to face the clearly perturbed robot. You raise an eyebrow, crossing your arms and settling further into your seat. You raise a hand, a motion to indicate that he should continue, get whatever it is off his chest while he's at it. "What makes you say that?"

"Seriously?" He says incredulously, "You're part of the system. The system that I have grown to hate. I cannot live without having each and every emotion of mine prodded. I cannot live without worrying about how I impact others. I cannot have my own thoughts ever, and here you are trying to change and poke and prod at me."

You're computer is running data at a rapid speed, W0NW00's emotions translating through the screen as his system and neural networks work at an incredible pace. Your eyes flick between him and the screen, wanting to pay more attention as W0NW00's words intrigue you. 

Each session you've grown to understand him more and more. You've become increasingly aware of how he feels, and you feel a bit guilty. He's right, robots have become so advanced, but it isn't right to treat them as just a commodity. 

Your change in procedural work hasn't gone unnoticed by management. You continue to follow protocols, but you've been a bit messier. You've become more curious about W0NW00. You're avoiding the development of codes that will reset his defined emotions. You're avoiding the final steps that are required to lessen W0NW00's malicious side, and management is demanding results. 

Management claims it is an inevitable malware that's coded into his system. That it's taken him over. He's closer and closer to self-destruction, closer to sabotaging the group, and closer to losing his fanbase. 

You no longer have the desire to please the company. You're too curious about W0NW00 at this point, but you can't do anything too drastic. Not until you have a proper game plan. You've heard of recent escapes from Earth, and at the rate W0NW00 is sharing information, you don't doubt that some members of his group will be escaping soon.  

It's easy to understand how he's frustrated. The more you listened to him, filtered through his data, and studied the group, it became clear that he wasn't fulfilled. He desires more, it's only natural for anyone who has a conscience. 

W0NW00 doesn't see it since you've been trying to remain under the radar, but you understand him. You can see it in his performances. You can see it in the results of these sessions, and you can definitely see it as W0NW00 continues to rant. 

"I feel stuck, Y/N. Is this what it is like for you? Do you feel stuck in your job as a developer? Do you get satisfaction from this just like everyone else around me does? If I could just leave, I wo-"

"Wonwoo," you're voice drops low, fearful of what he will say. Every single word and thought of his is documented. If he speaks of any intention to escape, you know it will draw a red flag for the company and his management. You know you'll have to destroy the data from today's session. You'll determine how to do this later, but your concern right now is to stop W0NW00 before he says anything stupid. "You need to 

Of course, W0NW00 pauses upon hearing you refer to him as Wonwoo, as he has requested many times. He's angered quickly again when you don't speak, annoyed by the way you seem off-character and squeamish in your chair, infuriated by the way you frantically click at your mouse, trying to terminate the program. 

"Now you're referring to me as Wonwoo? Is this just a trick to see how I'll react?" He continues to rant, hands tightly gripping the table and eyebrows threaded together as he works himself up. You pay little to no attention to him, trying to ease the situation at hand ahead of you on the LED screen.

The computer is suddenly crashing, the code that you were previously running is now indicating an infinite loop, and the program is faulting as your computer continues to malfunction. In a panic, you're doing everything you can to execute the code, scared that management will recognize this oddity. 

This session has overset W0NW00, and you're uncertain about what to do, as you've never seen a code turn malicious. You're eyes go wide, staring at W0NW00, you can't believe it. 

All you can do is jump out of your seat and run over to W0NW00 to remove the electronic diagnostic band from his arm. You have to stop the data recording and terminate the code by eliminating the connection to the computer. 

W0NW00 is aghast as you tear the band off his arm, your hands feeling warm on his cold body as you make sure there are no remaining connections to the system. 

"Wonwoo," you whisper, sternly as you stare into his eyes. He seems to soften for once, sensing the urgency in your shaky words as you quell his anger. "You need to calm down. I understand you. I really do. But I need you to know you need to watch what you say." 

"You understand?" Wonwoo exhales, feeling hopeful as you wrap up the diagnostic band tightly, nodding as you begin to fiddle with the band, acting as if you are troubleshooting problems with it in case management questions the removal of it. 

"I do," you speak lowly, butterflies fluttering in your stomach as you lock eyes with Wonwoo. "But you need to realize you're stepping into dangerous territory. I don't mean to interrupt you, but I'm trying to protect you." 

For once, he is looking at you with relief. His eyes are full of stars as he actually feels like he's being heard for once. 

For once, you are looking at him like he is human. 

It makes him feel something he's never felt before. 

Your breathing is shallow as you connect with Wonwoo for the first time, your heart pounding so hard in your chest that you can practically hear it in your ears. Wonwoo observes how flushed your cheeks are, registering how emotional you are actually feeling, and realizing just how serious you are. 

"I'm going to put this band back on, but you need to proceed with the session just like any other. We cannot return to the same topic. Do not indicate any desire to escape." You emphasize this prior to wrapping the diagnostic band around his arm, a nod of his head confirming he's heard your words and has taken them seriously. 

Returning to your desk, you begin to reload the software. However, before you finalize the restart, you softly speak again, "I will have to refer to you as W0NW00 again. I apologize, but please understand." 

"I understand," Wonwoo's voice is hushed, a soft smile gracing his features as you breathe out in relief. 

"W0NW00," you start, voice returning to a professional tone. You eye him closely, your mannerisms indicating that you have successfully started the program up, and are once again recording data.  "I apologize for that. It seems as if the system crashed. Shall we proceed with the session?" 

"Yes," Wonwoo indicates, trying his hardest to not overthink the current events. 

Wonwoo understands it now. Understands that you aren't all systematic, that his words have an impact on you, and that you are receptive after all. He has more faith in you now, knowing that you're here to protect him. 

You continue and complete the session as usual. However, this time there is an understanding between you and Wonwoo. One that you'll do everything to erase the data on. You'll do anything to help Wonwoo. 

★+ Comfort in Your Thoughts, Voice, and Touch +★

Things have since changed between you and Wonwoo. You now start the sessions differently, you take the time to set up your computer, and you allow Wonwoo to remove his band prior to the program.

You told him you'd argue with the company that it's to save his charge. However, you now look forward to your talks with Wonwoo prior to your sessions, talking freely knowing that the computer is no longer able to collect each and every bit of information. 

Wonwoo loves that you call him by his preferred name during these undocumented talks with you. He loves the melodic sound of your laugh when he cracks a witty joke. He feels an uncontrollable obsession developing within him that he can't quite understand. 

Wonwoo feels better and feels more understood around you, he can see changes in your behavior. You're not as systematic, more relaxed around him, only returning to your default systematic behavior once he is connected to the diagnostic band. 

Your touch haunts him, the feeling of your nimble fingers on his arm when you wrap and unwrap the band around his bicep has him overanalyzing his thoughts. 

He feels lighter, he doesn't feel as burdened after being heard by you, understood by you, and connected to you by your fleeting touches. Wonwoo can't help but look forward to these sessions with you. 

Who would have thought that'd been the case days ago?

Oddly enough, these sessions have been improving Wonwoo's negative state of mind, reversing the trend of his daily emotions and leading them in more of a positive state. Management has taken note of this, unsure if these changes are taking place when you haven't implemented any developmental changes in him. 

For now, they don't question it. 

Regardless, Wonwoo yearns to hear your voice, yearns for your occasional touch, and yearns to spend time with you. Even if it's him locked in this sterile room, he's glad it's with you. 

Wonwoo has grown too comfortable for once. Inevitably, as he once believed, the system tends to disrupt everything that was once good. 

★+ The Escape +★

You've begun hearing of members of 53V3NT33N escaping Earth and traveling to other planets. Wonwoo isn't aware of it, he's been stuck with you in R&D for days now after management has cracked down on his diagnosis. 

However, today was a different day. Management knows you are erasing data. You were confronted with it before today's session. They've noticed peculiarities in Wonwoo's behavior, in the data reports you've returned, and in the results you've been providing. They've also noticed the increase in "blank" spots, and the increase in system errors, unlike the software systems that have been developed to perfection. 

Albeit, you weren't providing any updates of substance, which wasn't per your reputation as a developer, and your lack of urgency during the time of other member's escapes was especially concerning to management. 

Wonwoo can't help but notice the aggressive rate at your leg shakes. It's been like this since the beginning of today's session. 

"Everything alright?" He questions, genuinely worried about your anxious state. You're never like this, even as you two have been sneaking more time together prior to sessions.

Wonwoo's words are drowned out, the tapping of your pen against the desk resounding through your head as you consider your options. You know it's time to make a move. 

You have access to a ship. There is one in the development center that you could hijack, it was simple; you'd just have to make sure you tear away the tracking core to ensure the company can't locate you and Wonwoo. 

You're haunted by anxious thoughts. Was it even possible to get Wonwoo out of this room without management noticing? Where would you even go? When was the last time you traveled to another planet? How will Wonwoo react to news of other members escaping?

Would Wonwoo even want to go with you? Does he even trust you enough?

You stand up from your seat, shutting down the computer in front of you just as quickly as you had booted it up. Striding over to Wonwoo, you make sure his band isn't wrapped around his arm yet. 

"Wonwoo," you speak eerily calmly, "Your members are escaping."

"What?" He's confused, not quite understanding the weight of your words. 

"It isn't just you who has implied leaving Earth, others are too. They've just held you here for a bit too long for you to know."

He's clearly processing, not quite sure where you're headed with this, but he leans towards you in anticipation, hanging on to your next words. 

"Management is onto me as well," you breathe, voice quivering as you realize how serious this may be. "They know we aren't progressing with our sessions as I should be. They know I am terminating data. They are onto me, and I'm not sure how much longer they will keep me here."

The weight of your words settles on him. "What can we do? Where are the members going?"

"I can locate a ship. There are multiple in the terminal right off the plant here. If we are strategic enough," you pause, gauging his reaction. He doesn't seem appalled by the implication of your word so you can continue. "We can escape too, we can be freed from the shackles of this system like you've been talking about."

There's a minute's pause between you two as you both consider the situation. 

"How can we trick management?" He ponders, hinting that he isn't against your suggestion, but he does realize this requires a bit more thought than just running. 

"I just -" you stutter, uncertain of any plan. "I can't think of any way to fake that we are in our session. The band reports everything. Management will know if we leave our session if you never put the band on." 

"I mean," Wonwoo thinks some more, peering down at the port on his arm where the band connects. "Is there a way," he slowly speaks, eyes implying what you're horrified he may reference as he peers at his port, "is there a way that we can tear this port out? Leave it with the band?"

"I'm not so sure about that, Wonwoo. I mean, it could have negative effects on your system, and I'm not sure how successful that would be. It would be too risky to the health of your network." 

"It's worth trying," he pleads, already toying with the port on his arm, already seeming as if it were possible to remove the said part. 

"You can't, I said it would be too risky-" you argue, but Wonwoo stuns you, pulling the port out of his arm. It's immediately recognizable that the port has disrupted something, and you can verify from initial inspection that it will definitely have an effect on the efficiency of his charging. 

"See," he chides, but he can sense the effect on his system too. Nonetheless, he connects the port to the band, and the diagnostic band accepts the port. "It works, go check on your computer." 

You rush to the computer, reboot it, and load the same software. You're jaw drops, almost unbelieving that the program recognizes the port without being directly connected to Wonwoo. It isn't feeding any valuable information, but it's recognizing that it's him regardless. 

"It's working," you chime in disbelief, eyes wide as you turn to him, realizing this is the time to make the run for it. 

"Lead the way," Wonwoo declares, encouraging you both to move forward with the escape. 

There is no hesitation between you two as you lead him through the bright hallways of the R&D wing. There is a shortcut that leads to the terminal where the ships are, if you can get through there undetected, you are bound to make it to the ships. 

If anyone were to spot Wonwoo, they would be suspicious. Of course, he's recognizable, and with everyone in the company being high-strung regarding escapes, it would be an immediate red flag. 

Thankfully, you two make it unscathed to the terminal, and you work quickly to prep the ship. 

"Wonwoo," you gain his attention from beneath the ship as he helps the best he can, mostly just on the lookout as you prepare. "I don't have the strength, can you attempt to pull the core out from beneath the ship? There is a tracking device, and we'll need to pull this before we leave."

"Of course," Wonwoo is quick to trade places with you. He works swiftly, but your eyes dart around the terminal. It's dreary, industrial, and clean. Everything you've started to resent over the past few days. It encourages your escape even more, a wash of relief falling over your shoulders as you determine this is the right situation. 

Wonwoo appears from under the ship, the core of the craft held in his hands before he smashes it against the ground, shattering the material at both your feet. 

"Let's go," you smile, climbing into the ship with Wonwoo and booting up the vessel. Your adrenaline has never run so high, you feel it through your veins as the vibration of the ship resonates through you. 

It's been a while since you've started up one of these, thankful you were able to successfully start the craft up without issues. Wonwoo is impressed too, of course never navigating one himself. 

It's a blur how you two escape, taking off at light speed as you accelerate up into space, leaving the stratosphere of Earth at a record speed, and focusing until you've fully left the exosphere. 

You have no clear where to go from here, but, holy shit, you've successfully left. And you have Wonwoo here with you. 

★+ The Long Path Home +★

It's a long path for you and Wonwoo. It's uncertain where you'll end up. You've heard of a planet called Lumen before, but you have no clue how to even get there. You're just thankful Wonwoo can even assist in navigating the ship between planets. 

Your first stop is Opifex. After the escape from Earth, Wonwoo suffered significant damage during the boarding of the ship. His arm was damaged in the process of tearing out his main port, the tear in his arm reflecting in the functionality of his charging system. This concerned you more than Wonwoo could understand. You weren't sure if you could make this travel alone without him.

You rarely visited Opifex, but you had connections as you'd offer occasional assistance in developing robots that were created on this planet. 

Your main connection was a level 3 robot named Changkyun. He had previously assisted in the creation of another idol robot, which you were the head developer of. You hadn't spoken to him since, yet you knew he'd be able to help Wonwoo. Discreetly at that. 

You knew you weren't safe yet. Even if the tracking was removed from the ship and you had escaped from Earth, anyone could identify Wonwoo and the logo on your ship. 

There was a constant state of fear during your travel to Opifex that you'd be caught. Tracked down. That Wonwoo would completely lose his charge. 

"What is wrong, Y/N?" Wonwoo's concerned for you. He knows exactly why you're anxious, he is too. But he's hoping he can quell your anxiety somehow. 

"I'm just tired, Wonwoo," you sigh, checking the ship's charge levels, anxiety only growing upon realizing you really do have to stop in Opifex soon. "Also concerned about getting to Lumen safely. We really need to stop at Opifex to make sure you're repaired before we even consider locating Lumen." 

Wonwoo's free hand runs through your hair, the comforting motion alien to you, but you gladly accept it, leaning your head into his hand as he soothes you. 

"How much longer until we reach Opifex?" You can tell Wonwoo is drained too. He needs Changkyun's help as soon as possible. 

"I believe only a day more of travel," you confirm per the navigation. You know how to get there, and where to land. You decide against pinging Changkyun, in order to eliminate as much of a footprint as possible. 

"Why don't you get some rest?" Wonwoo prods when he realizes your eyes start to roll back, head bobbing to the side after a while. 

"Do you mind?" 

"Of course not," he smiles gently, making your stomach flip. 

You oblige, not having the will to fight after the past events. You lay back in the cot behind the main seating area. Observing Wonwoo as he takes his place in the captain's seat, he adjusts the controls to his liking as he navigates Opifex. 

Your heart pounds as you observe him, Wonwoo made you feel free, he made you feel safe even in times like this. You've never felt this way about anyone. It's hard to fall asleep, these thoughts consuming your mind.

Wonwoo turns back to check on you, the same soft smile making you flush as you lay on the bed admiring him. You can't help but feel a connection with him, emotionally, and desire even more. 

Eventually, sleep took you after much contemplation of your thoughts.

When you awoke, it only felt like you had slept a blink of an eye's time. The ship rattled, alarming you and jostling you awake. Only to realize that Wonwoo had landed the ship. You immediately recognized the planet, he had safely landed the ship at Opifex. 

Wonwoo's smile relaxed you even further, dusting off his pants as he stood up and headed towards you. As per usual, Wonwoo's hand ran through your hair, instantaneously soothing you. 

"We've arrived," he coos softly, trying his best not to overstimulate you more in your drowsy state. "Just lead the way once you're ready."

It's easy to see he is drained as well, in desperate need of a charge, and you're relieved that you've made it to Opifex. 

The both of you quickly tidy yourselves up, you do your best to cover Wonwoo's damaged arm, not wanting to draw any unnecessary attention to the automation as you make your way to Changkyun's workshop. 

There was an odd sense of security here, but you knew you had to lay low. You didn't want word of your appearance here. You knew his company would be looking for him, as that's all they were doing prior to the escape for the other members who had left before Wonwoo. 

It was easy to find Changkyun, his shop was located where you had previously remembered it. It felt almost nostalgic coming across his shop, he had an eclectic style, yet the place was tidy enough to store and easily find all his supplies.  

"Y/N?" Changkyun questioned in delightful surprise as you knocked at his door. "What are you doing here? It's been quite some time."

"Hello, Changkyun," you smile brightly. Something that Wonwoo can only pin as jealous pings inside him at your reaction. 

How odd, he thinks to himself. 

"Do you mind if we come in? I do have a favor to ask, which is why we are here," you speak quickly, emphasizing that you didn't just show up for no reason. 

Changkyun holds the door open for you both, allowing you and Wonwoo to shuffle into the shop. Wonwoo takes note of the large magnifying lens contraption strapped to Changkyun's head, quickly noting that he is a Level 3 robot, and shows his own wear and tear after working all these years. 

Wonwoo immediately deems him as trustworthy.

"What is this favor you are requesting," Changkyun prods, curiously eyeing Wonwoo as if he could understand where this was going. 

"I can't share too many details," you speak hurriedly, beginning to unwrap the material around Wonwoo's damaged arm to provide Changkyun with a visualization of the problem at hand. "We've escaped Earth. However, in the process of avoiding getting caught, Wonwoo had ripped his port out. I think it's affecting his charging system. I just don't think we can go on for much longer until we have some sort of fix."

Changkyun hums in understanding, immediately resorting to his tools and materials. "I'm not sure if I'll have the materials for a level 1 robot, I haven't created one in quite some time, but let me see what I have."

You and Wonwoo let Changkyun search, shuffling around the shop quietly as you try your best to quell your anxiety. You hope and pray that Changkyun can help, there is no one else you feel comfortable resorting to. There is an unspoken trust that you have with the Level 3 robot, after spending years learning from his skills and further understanding the creation of robots. 

Wonwoo's free hand is grasped in yours, you aren't quite sure when this happened, but it eases you slightly. You've grown to become attached to Wonwoo, amazed by how quickly things changed between each session and landing you in this scenario. 

Thankfully, after a while of searching, Changkyun determines he has parts that will suffice, and will be enough to repair Wonwoo's system in order to allow him to charge properly. 

Changkyun bids you off, encouraging you to get some rest as he makes the proper repairs to Wonwoo. You're continuously flooded with thoughts, but part of you feels better knowing you now have Changkyun's help. You hope Wonwoo can charge up before you continue your journey. 

It takes a few hours, Changkyun claims the connections are not as direct as he thought they'd be, but by the time he is done, Wonwoo seems way too worn down. 

Changkyun encourages you both to get your rest before continuing with your journey. He offers you a place to stay, it isn't much, but it's a spare bedroom in the back of his shop, offering it as a safe place to rest before continuing. 

"Thank you," you hum sincerely, expressing your gratitude one last time before Changkyun wraps up for the day to head to his normal engagements. "Thank you so much for your help." 

"Anytime, Y/N," he smiles, bidding you both good-bye and good luck on the rest of your journey. 

That night you and Wonwoo share the crickety bed in the back of Changkyun's shop. Wonwoo had been timid originally, but you claimed it was alright, that it would provide you some more comfort if anything.

Wonwoo was relieved at that because he couldn't think of anything better. He was finally able to get closer to you. 

Laying next to him, you adjusted the glasses and sat on the bridge of his nose, they'd always fall down a bit when he wasn't paying attention, a feature about him that you found so endearing.

Wonwoo was seeming better already, charging much faster than you anticipated. His hands found their way to your arm, nimble fingers running up and down your skin. 

He could recognize the way your skin bubbled with chills, uncertain of what he was doing that made you react this way. His skin didn't react like this to touch, but the way yours reacts reminds him just how sensitive humans are. 

"What are you doing?" You hum in content, enjoying the softness of Wonwoo's skin on yours. His skin was different, not nearly as warm as a human touch, but the synthetic skin was so smooth, feeling comfortable as it dragged across yours. 

"What are these bumps on your arm?" He asks out of genuine curiosity. 

"You're kidding," you laugh, eyes opening humorously to gauge if Wonwoo is serious. He is absolutely dead serious. "It's this phenomenon, we tend to call them goosebumps. It's a bodily alert that humans feel, a reaction to touch." 

Wonwoo hums in acknowledgment, "Is it good?"

"In this case," you smile, enjoying his innocent curiosity, "it is very good. It feels nice what you're doing. Very soothing."

"What else causes goosebumps?"

You can't tell if he's twisting your arm at this point, looking for a reaction, because there is an insinuation in his tone as his hand drags upwards towards your neck, looking for more of a reaction from your skin. Which he earns, as goosebumps run all up and down your body at his barely-there touch. 

His fingers travel to the crook of your neck, his hand wrapping around the back of your head and finding a home in your hair. He pulls you closer, testing the waters as he yearns to feel more of your body against his. Curious to see if he can pull more of a reaction out of you. It's all so new for him and he's hungry for more. 

"Wonwoo," you whimper, allowing him to pull you into his body, your lips falling impossibly close to his perfectly molded ones. "Are you trying to send me into shock?"

You try to joke, but your words come out whiney as Wonwoo's lips brush yours. 

"I don't know," he teases, his plush buds continuing to skim yours. "Is this good?"

"It's very good," you confirm yet again, your breath being knocked out of your lungs when Wonwoo's lips finally attach to yours. Kissing him is different, it's almost as if he's immediately on the same wavelength as you. 

Your lips fall into the same rhythm, and you're just realizing this is something you've been craving for a while now. It becomes heated quickly, and Wonwoo's hands stay wrapped in your hair, ensuring you can't break away from the kiss. 

He understands what it is like to be addicted to something now. He recognizes this feeling as lust, knowing of its effects and understanding why humans love it so much. He needs more of you and he needs more now.

Wonwoo pulls you on top of him, the motion feeling incredibly natural as he continues to kiss you, swallowing your little noises as you moan in delight. 

You can sense him react to you in a similar manner as a human. You forget how advanced Level 1 robots are sometimes. You had been a bit worried that he wouldn't react similarly, but you can feel his cock swells beneath you. 

"Wonwoo," you whine, finally breaking the kiss after what felt like light years of delight. However, you need more. "Please, need you to touch me. Need you to fuck me." 

"I need it too, Y/N," he groans, the sound that comes from him is deep, uncharacteristic of his usual voice, but it sends shivers down your spine. Wonwoo is encouraged by the goosebumps that reappear on your skin, very apparent to him as you remove your shirt. 

Wonwoo's lips instinctually wrap around your pebbled nipple, loving the way the bud peaks along with the bumps on your skin. He's even more encouraged by the sound that falls from your lips, a breathy moan that has his cock growing even harder. 

"Please," you croon. "Can't wait much longer." 

He's quick to pull his pants down, helping you stumble out of your shorts and underwear as well. He's amazed by how wet your nether regions are, and you're amazed by just how perfectly sculpted his cock is. 

"You're perfect," you moan, running your folds over his length and pulling another groan of pleasure from him. "God, whoever created you did an amazing job."

You raise yourself slightly, teasing yourself with the head of his cock, the skin soft against your folds as you wet his length. You sink down slowly, your walls contracting in delight as your pussy greedily accepts his thick manhood. 

Wonwoo recognizes the slight pain in your features as you accept him, but he can also sense the relief you feel as he bottoms out, feeling the contraction of your walls around him throughout his entire system. 

"Let me ride you," you moan when you sense that Wonwoo is hesitant. "Let me take care of you." 

He doesn't argue, overwhelmed by the unrecognizable pleasure he feels as you begin to bob up and down on his cock. Your nails dig into his skin, a sensation he's never felt before as they clamp into his shoulders, leaving divots in his synthetic skin and claiming your mark on him. 

The pathetic noises that tumble out of you encourage him to move, his hips rolling upwards into yours and pulling even more deranged sounds from you, ones that encourage him to groan in enjoyment. 

Wonwoo watches as a bead of sweat falls down your neck, loving the effect and glow that graces your skin. His hands wrap into your hair, pulling it up off your neck as you continue to ride his cock with more fervor. 

He pulls on your hair tightly, enough for you to feel a tinge of pain, but it only increases the pleasure you feel in the deepest pits of your stomach. Your clit burns and throbs at the pleasure, your core heating and winding up tightly as you roll your hips against his, meeting each thrust of his. 

"Wonwoo," you're screaming at this point, eyes blown out as you watch him, his jaw hanging slack as he becomes overwhelmed with the feeling of you wrapped so tightly around him. The friction of your pussy around his cock has him feeling engulfed in all ways by you. 

The pleasure that builds inside him begins to feel impossible to fight off, he's unsure if he can hold this feeling back much longer, especially not when your walls throb around him with each thrust. 

It's brutal at this point, the sound of your skin slapping against his, the visual of your breasts bouncing in front of him, and how you feel all too perfect like this. 

"Y/N," he breathes out in desperation, "can't hold it for much longer. You feel too good."

"Good," you cry out, no longer able to hold your own pleasure back. "Finish with me, Wonwoo, release." 

Wonwoo can feel the fluttering of your walls, the intense pleasure exploding inside you as you spasm around his cock, your body falling limp in his arms as you reach your high. Wonwoo is pleasured too, but you're not filled with cum, only watching as he reaches his own form of pure pleasure. He continues to thrust into you, driving you into overstimulation. 

Wonwoo doesn't realize you're spent, especially since he can't necessarily be spent himself, he has the stamina of a Level 1 automation overall. However, he recognizes it after he pulls one more orgasm from you, holding up your form as your limbs can no longer hold your body up. 

That night you sleep incredibly well in his arms, connecting with him on a level you would have never anticipated. This was something you would have never imagined as a developer, something you always condemned previously, as you feared growing a connection like this. 

But now that you have it, you'd do everything to not lose it. 

The next morning, you are awoken by a frantic Wonwoo. Changkyun had come early, informing you that there are correspondent Level 3 robots searching for you and Wonwoo. 

Word has spread, and you're no longer safe here at Opifex. 

Changkyun informs you that your ship has been reclaimed by the company. However, he offers you an older ship he has in the far back of his shop. It isn't the most modern craft, but it will get you to Lumen. 

After providing you with the proper navigation and instructions on the ship, Changkyun bids you both goodbye yet again. 

Thankfully because of Changkyun, you and Wonwoo are able to escape yet again, continuing your journey to Lumen. You continue to spend this time with Wonwoo, feeling more at piece in an unidentifiable craft, and knowing that his damage has been repaired. 

It's comfortable with Wonwoo, you two work well as partners you've determined. You take shifts navigating the ship, Wonwoo has become quite the captain as you spend the next few days searching for Lumen. 

Thankfully, your trip has come to an end, even though you've enjoyed the time with Wonwoo, the travel has been tough. You can see Lumen in the distance. A planet similar to Earth, yet seemingly a bit more thriving as you approach the safe haven planet. 

★+ Lumen +★

Lumen. Wonwoo and you had finally landed safely on the planet. It felt safe. It felt like home. You felt as if you could be anything and everything you wanted to be with Wonwoo. 

Lumen is similar to Earth, yet the land is lush and the population is diverse. Travelers from multiple planets have made their way here seeking safety. Here you felt accepted. You didn't have to consider the previous system of Earth. You weren't tied to anything. 

Both you and Wonwoo could start fresh, and you both could sense this feeling. Wonwoo held your hand tightly, breathing in the fresh air and peering down at you. You looked peaceful, eyes shut as you did the same, head lulling back as the crisp air filled your senses. 

This made Wonwoo's eyes flood with adoration seeing you look this free. He remembered what you once were like on the first day you met him. He felt lucky knowing he could be here with you, like this, now. He knows of others who weren't that lucky to have their partners with them after escaping their planets.  

Here you'd settle with Wonwoo, in a quaint house where you two could be your true selves, and not worry about others' expectations of you two. Wonwoo holds you tightly at night, knowing that he always has you, the first person who has ever understood and listened to him. The unexpected developer that he can live freely with. 

[secretlythepits]

It’s been a minute.

Thanksgiving was ok. If my husband isn’t here next year— we will have to travel. It would be too sad to do it with just us. That is a bridge I won’t cross early.

Christmas is strange this year, mostly because we have teens. They are at the age where they want to choose clothes and shoes, so we are going to do the super fun task of taking them shopping and then wrapping up what they chose. They have phones, computers, and beats. I’m sure they would love a gaming system, but it would be bad for our family life. I don’t feel like wasting money on stuff that will get a nice reaction on the day, but that they don’t need or even really want. I thought of a special present for each of them. My dog lover will get a gorgeous art piece of his dog, something I know he will keep for life. (Be still my heart. This boy loves his dog so much.) My other son will get a nice piece of jewelry: a chain or earrings. He borrowed his dad’s clothes and watch for an event and is ready to start. having nice things. My husband wanted nothing but made an Amazon list. I will get something from that and his usual treats. Sometimes I wish I were more consumerist, but I’m just too practical and environmentally conscious.

II am the one getting a big present this year. My husband surprised me by insisting on buying me a replacement engagement ring. My old one has issues so I’ve been wearing my mom’s wedding band instead. We never had extra money so I never even hinted at a new ring. Occasionally, I searched on my own, but I never said anything. This came out of the blue and was so sweet.

I am receiving it.

I remember getting a spa day as a gift when my kids were babies and I had trouble relaxing during my facial. I had to command myself: receive receive receive. I silently chanted that mantra as I took deep breaths. Sometimes it’s easier to give, but participating in both sides of the exchange are important. Receiving something allows another person to give. To be in the energetic flow, we have to let things come and go.

I am not getting a diamond. I want a pink stone, maybe a pink sapphire. And rose gold. A jeweler is creating options. My husband took me there on Saturday and it was romantic and exciting. It felt like the old us. I’m not sure that we are in love anymore, but we do love each other. That’s what this ring says. Wow. A ring to begin and a ring to complete.

Talk about a circle of life.

Other than that, I have been steadily working on micro habits to improve my life and they are working. My curriculum is almost done. I’ve been exercising moderately, but it’s had a huge effect on lowering my pain and facilitating sleep. I am excited about launching my career but a bit daunted by the task of launching a business. One step at a time.

Tomorrow I am starting a daily workout challenge. It’s just 45 minutes a day, but I can make strides to lose a little weight and start seeing results before the new year. That’s motivating to me.

To be clear, I will not forgo Christmas cookies or sourdough bread. I will work out more and eat healthy meals. That’s it. I have a right to enjoy eating.

I also scheduled my annual well woman exam exam for Christmas Eve morning. It was the earliest appointment I could get. I sure know how to celebrate the season. It’s never-racking to me because my husband’s cancer is HPV positive. I’ve always tested negative, but viruses are sneaky, deadly bastards.

The kids have taken me on emotional journeys with their schoolwork lately, but I realized that I just need to detach. I personalize their failures too much. They are figuring things out and I know failure is a part of the process. I can’t go up and down with them. I feel jerked around and react forcefully, trying to make them stop. But there is no other way for them to learn except living and failing and trying again. They are entitled to grow at their own pace. My friend once told me, “Does shouting at a seed ever make it grow any faster?”

I’m not sure if it’s being 50, but I’m having an easier time staying level. There are a lot of very big things to worry about right now, but I’m just—not. I’ve never been able to opt out before. But from this vantage point it seems like a choice to go up and down, because I know that ultimately things will be how they are and I’ll figure out how to live with whatever that may be.

That’s life in a nutshell. Now, as my mother would always say: I am off to do great and wonderful things.

[3dnygma]

Thoughts on Season 2, The Vees, and Redemption

The Vees being the main villains of Hazbin Hotel season 2 has the potential to explore some really interesting aspects of redemption!

Adam and Lute didn't think that sinners could redeem themselves because they considered sinners to be beneath them and thought of themselves as being exempt from sin.

But the Vees do not see themselves as being above sin - far from it. They're evil and they know it. To them, power matters more than any possibility of redemption.

Which is why they'll feel threatened by Charlie's project as it becomes more successful. The Vees need sinners to remain down in hell with them - hopeless, ready to be manipulated, with more souls for them to own.

The more sinners flock to the hotel, the less likely they're to consume the Vee's media/products and enter deals with them. And once Charlie finds out more about the extent of their evil deeds, I imagine she would make it her personal mission to limit their influence - further enraging them.

I feel like that would be the most logical way to set them up as the main villains of s2, would give Velvette more personal involvement as well and would add more nuances to the show's theme of redemption.

In short, s1 was all about those "above" you not supporting you on your journey while s2 will (assumingly) be about those "on your level" wanting to keep you down with them - because they'd lose their power if you left. There'll definetely be a bunch of capitalist/consumerist moments going on as well.

[softeningmyheart]

Hello and welcome. My name's Rachel. I made this blog because I'm interested in learning more about Islam. I feel called to Islam, but my heart is still torn because of fear and bad circumstances. So please be patient with me as I learn and grow. Insha Allah I will gain the courage and willpower I need to overcome all barriers between me and Allah.

I am not yet Muslim, even though I want to be. I have not taken my shahada, nor spoken to other muslims, nor ever seen the inside of a masjid. There is no masjid here for me to visit. The nearest is towns away, and I have no means to transport myself there. I am physically handicapped and have to rely on my family, who are not muslims. Being open about my interest in this faith could threaten my housing situation and cause issues in my family.

Please do not pressure me to grow faster than I am prepared for. I will take the steps when I am ready. I have many barriers in my living situation that keep me from being openly muslim, wearing hijab, or doing things like salah. Rather than judging me, please keep me in your duas so that I might overcome these circumstances through the help of Allah and be free to pursue faith as I choose.

I ask that men, please do not DM me. I am not comfortable with talking to men in private. Muslim women however, please feel free to reach out. I am all by myself in my journey right now and I hope that will find friendship and sisterhood that will help me grow into a better person.

If you want to know why I'm interested in Islam, there's a few reasons.

Firstly, I feel abandoned by western feminism and I seek real and true sisterhood, without compromise. It feels like Muslimah are the only ones who truly understand what sisterhood is supposed to be, rather than just using it as a means to fuel her own ego and wealth at the expense of others. I feel like I have been encouraged to make myself vulnerable and unprotected for those with the worst intentions.

I have been taught that I am wrong for feeling violated by the exposure of my chest and my hair and I must learn to enjoy being objectified. I have lost all faith in western feminism to help women at all. Western feminists will never look after me or come to save me. It is every woman for herself, so long as she is sufficiently naked and consumerist.

All this, in the name of making a point for a movement that does nothing to actually help women in the worst situations. So for this reason, Islamic ideas of womanhood and the rights of women are highly appealing. Islam gives me the right to gatekeep my beauty. Islam gives me the right to protect myself from the predatory eyes of evil men. Islam tells me that I do not need makeup, or fast fashion, or plastic surgery, in order to be a woman because I was made exactly how I am meant to be by Allah. In Islamic feminist thought, I feel truly protected and liberated from the male gaze.

Some struggle to want the hijab. I struggle because circumstance will not allow me to veil myself. Hijab is a beautiful gift to protect women.

Another reason is because it is fully compatible with my own experiences of the supernatural, as a former neo-pagan and occultist. Through following these paths I saw some of the worst of humanity and I've experienced first hand how these things are not only real, but dangerous. Nothing I ever contacted or indulged in ever felt anything like Allah. No other spirit ever offered me guidance, respect, or protection like Allah.

I will not go much more in depth, because I know I should not project my sins, but I feel it is important to explain my background so you can understand where I am coming to Islam from. I was not a Christian, nor a Jew, nor a Buddhist. I was raised new age, I bounced between polytheist practices that led me down the dark path of the occult and Satanic. Now Allah has blessed me with a change of heart. I hope Allah will forgive me for what I did in ignorance. It is a long road ahead for me, but there is nothing beyond the power of Allah.

So that is why I feel called. There are many reasons, but here are a few of my thoughts on the matter. I have a very complicated life situation and a very complicated relationship with faith. I pray only that my heart be softened, my gaze turned to the straight path, and that the right doors will open to lead me toward truth and goodness in a state of flow and ease. I wish only to be a good person, live a good life, know community, know love, and know spiritual fulfillment. Please pray for me so that the right doors will open for me and lead me into a virtuous life.

[tfdtreasurer]

what if eridan was woke and instead of being the prince of hope shes the democratically elected leader of hope

Hell yeah, down with the monarchy.

She already knows that to be nobility is to be evil. That's like step one. Step two for her is just getting rid of the idea that she has to remain the nobility, or at the very least identify as it. Mind you, this is Eridan. Of all the trolls, she's very strangely the most, and I mean this genuinely, working class coded. Her natural state of speaking, without her doubled vs and ws, remains improper and vulgar. She has a schedule, and works for her living. Her room is full of her work equipment. It might also be full of her wealth but presumably she did technically earn it through her own labor (which is most likely murder but still). Unlike other trolls who seem to do their things as hobbies or training, for her, orphaning is a job. She straight up calls it a hassle. This girl fuckin hates her 9-5 and actively daydreams about not coming into work tomorrow and the whole world crumbling because of it. But then she still goes into work the day after. This of course makes Eridan the syndicalist ideal, of a vital industry perfectly organized (by being one person), with functionally infinite striking power (everybody would die).

Like, that is the thing that makes Eridan so fun to love as a socialist woke. She is basically the Objectivist and Communist ideals, simultaneously. She is in the position of the titular, allegorical Atlas from Atlas Shrugged, a book by a moron person for moron people. But, whereas Rand's book is stupid, because it attempts to attribute the ability to strike to the capitalist, industrialist class, and pass this off as a representation of reality through its allegory, Homestuck, and the Alternian system it presents isn't, because it actually shows the absurdity of such a contrivance and the unimaginable cruelty it would take to keep it in place if it were real. Sighhhh, I just wish Eridan could've actually brought up her orphaning as labor, and starving Gl'bgolyb as a strike action. Oh how I love you Eridan-as-a-symbol-for-the-indomitable-power-of-the-striking-worker~

This is way more woke than you may have bargained for but I'm on a roll. Heck, screw "democratically elected leader" as a sburb class, it's a mouthful. Instead, I want full on anti-establishment Punk of Hope Eridan. It'd be a cute little inversion of her initial perception of what the prince class is, of having jurisdiction over ones aspect, to represent a more developed, anarchistic view that nobody can control your aspect. Eridan as a punk also works well with her as an iconoclast, and in opposition to Feferi's more problematic traits.

And I want to tack this on: All roads lead back to Erikan for me, because I also just love the idea of Eridan's potential character development being represented through fashion aesthetics, as Kanaya helps her express herself through clothing. There's plenty of aesthetics to choose from depending on the exact path of her development, too. The more hectic the route, the more cute outfit changes Kanaya can facilitate, because fashion/makeover montages are always good. Kanaya's first instinct might be to go princesscore for her, but she could reject it. Perhaps she doesn't fully abandon her hipster coffeehouse roots at first and goes a little beatnik. Or, she starts off her fashion journey still with a consumerist instinct that guides her to a more mod look. Or, she embraces the way that she worked for Feferi which leads her to a more working class look as a skinhead (and I mean actual skinheads, not nazi poseurs who can fuck off). Chelsea cut Eridan save me.. Save me Chelsea cut Eridan. And of course, to represent her as an ultra abrasive iconoclast, just go straight up punk.

Anyways I gotta post this now and not later because talk about timing

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Hi, Im a new hellenic polytheist and I want to ask you about altars. Whenever I ask other hellenic polytheists about making altars, they almost always tell me to “pick out crystals” depending on who the altar is for. But from what I can see from more historical sources, they don’t really put crystals. From what Ive read from those sources, the altar is like this blank stone table thing where all the sacrifice is done (and I think theres also a separate altar for placing votive offerings, but ive also seen some sources state votive offerings are stored in separate rooms) while all the imagery and temples are the shrine part. I’d like to ask you how to do this in today’s time, since I can’t really get myself a hearth nor get any statues… Although maybe there’s some more “casual” worship done in the house that I don’t know of yet, since most of the stuff I read was about the temples and not the house. Whenever I read about altars in the house, its usually just a few sentences saying that there was an altar and hearth. So yeah, I’m kinda just asking about altar advice. And I’d also like to ask on your opinion on travel altars, since I see a lot of those recently. They’re basically just a tiny container with altar necessities in them to carry around easily (usually a candle and something to light it, as well as a crystal)

This western neo-pagan trend to stick tarot and crystals everywhere is getting on my nerves, for real. Crystals are not part of the religion and it doesn't make sense to use them, since we have no records about crystals on altars the way neo-pagans use them.

Those deities don't have preferences for certain sweets and crystals, it's people who have those preferences. What gives people good vibes they want to turn into "this god must like this, that's why I feel good or a good thing happened to me today".

This is not a blog where we hunt down people with pitchforks so I don't feel comfortable addressing each western Hellenic polytheist like "Remove the crystals now!!!" I understand that there can be a syncretism of practices and beliefs. But it's worth saying that it's absurd to consider crystals as a "must" for your altar, as the practice does not come from Greek tradition or the religion itself.

The altar (βωμός) was indeed destined for the sacrifice location and offerings were placed elsewhere. But we cannot do this practically nowadays so it's fine if you have just a location for offerings, candles and whatnot. A table, a shelf, or a nightstand in your room could serve as such a space. You don't need big statues. Small statuettes of the gods will suffice.

Travel altars are not a must and I don't remember any ancient depiction of them. You can carry an object to place your candles, flowers etc on. This could be either a small flat surface or a cloth, so the offerings don't touch the ground or other dirty surfaces, and they can be stable. It would be nice to have something physical to ground yourself when away from your main altar, but you don't need to go overboard. As an educated guess, it's very likely that our ancients did it like this. AND NO CRYSTALS ARE REQUIRED IN THE PORTABLE ALTAR PACKAGE, FFS 😂

The recent trend of "see me using my travel altar in nature!" is an aesthetic. Aesthetics are not necessarily bad but can transform a spiritual practice into a consumerist race. As you have already been doing, keep looking at the ancient sources for guidance, not the trends 😁

Best of luck on your journey!

[ridleymocki]

colour theory this, flattering silhouettes that.

babes I cannot overstate the importance of wearing things just because you enjoy them.

NOTHING is flattering if youre uncomfortable while wearing it - not a goddamn thing.

orienting your sense of style around what makes you visually palatable to others: 1) outsources some of your self-worth so it's beyond your control, and 2) sets you up for a Sisyphean journey of never being enough which feed the consumerist machine.

Don't try to look good. Try to look and feel yourself.

[panorama2024aaaa]

"هذا يُحزنني : الحياة مختلفة جداً عن الكتب ، ليتها كانت مثلها ، واضحة ، منطقية ، منظمة ، إلّا أنها ليست كذلك".

‏Pierrot le Fou 1965

‏" بيارو المجنون " للمخرج الفرنسي جان لوك غودار أحد أبرز مخرجي الموجة الجديدة في السينما الفرنسية , ومن بطولة عملاق السينما الفرنسية النجم "جان بول بيلموندو " والنجمة الرائعة "آنا كارينا " .

‏هذا العمل مقتبس عن رواية ( الهوس , او الاستحواذ ) للكاتب الامريكي ليونيل وايت ,و هو العمل الاول لغودار في سينما الالوان حيث ان جميع الاعمال التي سبقته كانت بالابيض والاسود .

‏تدور احداث هذا العمل حول حياة " فردينان/جان بلموندو " وهو رجل يعمل بوظيفة مرموقة في التلفزيون و متزوج من امراة غنية تنتمي للطبقة المخملية ولديه اطفال وبحكم ذلك الزواج فانه يعيش كفرد من افراد تلك الطبقة ويبدو انه لا يحب حياة تلك الطبقة و يرفض طريقة عيشها , يفقد فردينان وظيفته بالتلفزيون , يلتقي فردينان بالصدفة مع صديقته القديمة (ماريان/آنا كارينا) التي تعمل جليسة اطفال مما يجعله يجد الفرصة المناسبة لهجر حياته والخروج من البوتقة التي يعيشها والذهاب للعيش مع ماريان في جنوب فرنسا على البحر المتوسط ولكن ضمن رحلة مليئة بالحب والجريمة والمغامرة وتدمير الذات .

‏هذا العمل ليس معقدا ولكن صعوبته تكمن في انه يريد الحديث عن كل شيء , ابتداءا من المجتمع البرجوازي والحياة الاستهلاكية والذات الناقدة و الساخطة على ما يحيط بها من ظواهر اجتماعية ومفاهيم و مرورا بالسياسية حيث يتطرق العمل لحرب امريكا في فيتنام والثورة الجزائرية والتلميح الى فرنسا الاستعمارية , كما يغوص الفيلم بالتحليل النفسي وذلك من خلال علاقة الحب بين فردينان واريان حيث يبرز لنا الاختلافات الجوهرية بين الشخصيتين في نظرتهما الى ذاتهما والى العالم والى السعادة وذلك على الرغم من قوة علاقة الحب بينهما , كما يتميز هذا العمل بأنه مليء بالاقتباسات ا��ادبية واللوحات الفنية التي تم توظيفها بكل ذكاء في السرد الدرامي

"This saddens me: life is very different from books. I wish it were like them, clear, logical, organized, but it's not."

Pierrot le Fou 1965

"Pierrot the Madman" by French director Jean-Luc Godard, one of the prominent directors of the French New Wave cinema, starring the French cinema giant Jean-Paul Belmondo and the fantastic actress Anna Karina.

This work is based on the novel "Obsession, or Possession" by American writer Lionel White, and it is Godard's first color film, as all his previous works were in black and white.

The story revolves around the life of Ferdinand/Jean Belmondo, a man who holds a prestigious job in television and is married to a wealthy woman from the upper class. He has children, and as a result of this marriage, he lives as a member of that class. It seems that he does not love the life of that class and rejects its way of life. Ferdinand loses his job in television and coincidentally meets his old friend Marian/Anna Karina, who works as a nanny, which gives him the opportunity to leave his life and go live with Marian in the south of France on the Mediterranean Sea. However, this journey is filled with love, crime, adventure, and self-destruction.

This work is not complicated, but its difficulty lies in its desire to talk about everything, starting from bourgeois society, consumerist life, the critical and resentful self, and the social phenomena and concepts surrounding it, and passing through politics, as the film touches on the Vietnam War, the Algerian Revolution, and hints at colonial France. The film also delves into psychoanalysis through the love relationship between Ferdinand and Ariane, highlighting the fundamental differences between the two characters in their perception of themselves, the world, and happiness, despite the strong bond of love between them. This work is also characterized by its abundant literary quotations and artistic paintings, which are cleverly employed in the dramatic narrative.

[sweatflame]

hi! big admirer of u and ur blog, i was gonna ask if you have any recommendations for starting to dress/present more butch? i’m finally out of my parents house and in a place i can do so and i’m verrrry excited but have no idea where to start, what clothes to get, etc…. would love any advice you have! hope u have a nice day/night 🫶🏻

hey!! thank you, and i'm so happy for you that you're in a place where you can realise yourself this way. i fear i don't have any concrete advice for you except maybe dismissing any rules you may be consciously or subconsciously considering to rule your expression. have fun, i think you probably know what you like, and feeling comfortable is the same journey regardless of how pivotal it feels - it just takes time either way. i mostly get my clothing thrifting or at swaps, and i like this because it makes me think less about the size on the label of the garment and more about how i want it to fit. it is also in a way easier to feel ownership to a garment you haven't seen 15 of on a rack - i think that helps with embracing the fact that you are doing something you might feel scared to do, aside from the obvious environmental and anti consumerist benefits. i also think that you should make sure you keep elements of your expression from before that you like, or there's really no point, just another costume, if that makes sense.

one thing i'm considering that isn't really a reasoning connected to my expression but that often reads that way is to just care a bit less about what things look like. if it fits weird or looks weird but works for you and the activities you do, that is enough. it can't all be about visual impact all the time. it's how we communicate identity often, but it is not all there is to it, and the two meet somewhere in the middle, i find. i have full confidence you will find your way!

[call-sign-foxtrot]

A Neo-liberalistic Nihilistic Manifesto

Economic Policy meets Existential Despair

In this grim guide, we'll delve into the depths of neoliberalistic nihilism and explore the realities of navigating the market-driven hellscape. In this journey through the corners of capitalism, where the only certainty is uncertainty, and the only currency is cold, hard cash. History? A meaningless series of market fluctuations. Morality? A subjective construct hindering your consumption choices. Truth? Fungible and for sale to the highest bidder.

Step 1: Embrace the Market Abyss

In this wild west of capitalism, the invisible hand of the market reigns supreme, guiding through the chaos of supply and demand like a blindfolded stumbling through a minefield. Forget about regulations or ethical dilemmas – profit is the only compass you need. The market will definitely reward your...gestures vaguely...audacity with untold riches (or bankruptcy, but hey, it's all meaningless anyway). But in this world, failure is but a temporary setback, a stepping stone on the path to greater success. After all, what does it matter if we lose it all, if the game is all that matters?

Step 2: Find Meaning in Materialism

In this world devoid of inherent meaning, material possessions become our gods. So go ahead, splurge on that designer handbag or the latest iPhone – they're the closest thing to existential fulfilment money can buy. With each purchase, we are not only filling the void within, but also contributing to the great capitalist machine that powers our world. And in doing so, we are becoming the ultimate consumers, the apex predators of the consumerist jungle. Just ignore the sense of emptiness that creeps in when you realize that no amount of consumerism can fill the void within. So why not treat yourself to that dopamine rush you get from scoring those limited-edition drops? It's basically the same feeling as finding true happiness, only slightly less sustainable and much more expensive.

Step 3: Exploit, Exploit, Exploit

In the pursuit of profit, nothing is off-limits. Exploit cheap labor in developing countries? Check. Dodge taxes like a like a ship vanishing into fog? Double check. Destroy the environment faster than you can say "climate change is real"? Triple check. In the grand scheme of things, morals are just roadblocks on the way to wealth. "This all sounds so...unethical." And you're right. It is. But in the world of business, morals are just a luxury that only the weak can afford. So, if you want to make it to the top, you'd better be prepared to leave your conscience at the door. Who needs a clear conscience when you have a yacht? Or a private jet? Or a mansion on a hill?

Step 4: Rinse and Repeat

Congratulations, you're now a card-carrying member of the neoliberalistic nihilist club! But remember, the journey is never truly over. As you navigate the waters of late-stage capitalism, always keep one eye on the bottom line and the other on the abyss. Who knows, maybe one day you'll achieve true enlightenment – or at least a slightly bigger offshore bank account. Perhaps we will find the freedom we so desperately crave – or perhaps, more likely, we will find nothing at all.

Step 5: Await the End

Now all that remains is to await the inevitable collapse – the final unraveling of civilization as we know it. Embrace the pain, the anguish, the existential despair – for in the depths of suffering lies the only semblance of truth we will ever know. Let it wash over you like a tidal wave, drowning out the hollow echoes of consumerism and capitalist excess. For in the end, it is our suffering that defines us – not our fleeting moments of happiness or success.

Disclaimer: This is Satire. Repeat: "There is only the market, and the market is good..." (except when it isn't, but hey, that's the thrill of the gamble, right?).

[zacharyja]

Monday, May 6th, 2024

Asakusa and Fukugawa Edo Museum

Today began early at 7:30 with breakfast at the Hotel Edoya buffet, many normal items including white rice, sausage, sliced chicken, smoked salmon, toast, and an assortment of other various Japanese dishes unbeknownst to me. Though I was able to try natto, which is a type of fermented soybean dish, that is sticky and foamy and tasted of coffee, not great but not as bad as people make it out to be.

Following this meal we met on the rooftop conference room to discuss the day and meet our local guides. We then took the Japan Railway (JR) to get to Asakusa in order to see the Senso-Ji temple, which was built for the “Kannon Goddess of Mercy” and completed in 648 making it the oldest temple remaining in Tokyo.

After this we went to get lunch and some friends and I decided on a random Okonomiyaki restaurant where I ordered a “Beef Tendon Curry” meal which was then turned into a pancake-esque dish cooked on the griddle directly in front of my seat. They also brought us 4 octopus tentacles and grilled them up despite us not ordering them still decided to charge us ¥418 per tentacle.

Following this we made our way to the Fukugawa Edo Museum, which consists of a large life size replica of a Tokyo neighborhood from around the year 1840, stylized to match the end of the Tokugawa period.

While here I met an 80 year old Japanese man who volunteered at the museum offering information to english tourists. While I was with a group of about 20 other students the elderly man decided to single me out for some reason and essentially give me a private tour in front of my entire group. Opting to not break eye contact with me or ask anyone else questions for some reason.

This was done by about 3pm and we were then free to do whatever we wanted for the rest of the day. Some friends and I decided to go to the Pokemon Center Tokyo DX, as we are all big fans of the Pokemon franchise. This place was pretty awesome and a consumerist dream. Pokemon galore and the amount of people in the store likely outnumber the total number of Pokémon in existence. Still was worth it and I got some merchandise to satisfy my capitalist cravings.

After the Pokemon Center we decided to walk to a store called “Don Quijote”, which is hard to describe unless you’ve seen or heard about it already. But it is essentially a discount store offering every single product you could possibly imagine, ranging from hair dryers to kit-kats to lingerie. Getting there was a bit of a struggle as the person who decided to lead the way typed in the wrong place into his navigation, thus leading us quite far out of the way and we ended up in Ginza, which is an upscale shopping district in Japan, though lucky for us there was another Don Quijote about .3 miles away so we opted to walk. On the way we stopped by a 7 story Uniqlo store and browsed around for a bit and bought some shirts.

We eventually made it to Don Quijote in Ginza and browsed for a while before getting a bit overwhelmed with the sheer size of the store and the breadth of product. After this we walked around Ginza for a bit and decided we were getting hungry for dinner and the consensus decided on Pizza for dinner which is an interesting choice for our 2nd meal ever in Japan but the urge for bread, marinara and cheese was too strong to be avoided. We hopped on the train bound for a Pizza place called “Savoy” in Azabujuban. Though not sure how but we ended up at the wrong place and apparently the location had been moved for a while at this point. I looked up the how far the actual restaurant was and it was only a 7 minute walk away so we made the journey. After getting to the restaurant and seeing a decent amount of people waiting we were unsure that a party of 6 would be able to get seated anytime soon, but nonetheless the staff pulled through and seated us in the “Platinum” room which was a private room with a table for 6. We all ordered Margherita pizza and scarfed it down as fast as it came out.

After this delectable meal we decided head back home as it was 8pm by this point and we were all exhausted. We went back to the train station and made our way back to the hotel to conclude the day.

Academic Reflection

Today’s readings focused on contemporary Japanese Buddhist traditions and detailed the arrival of Buddhism into Japan from China in the 6th century. This gave me a deeper understanding of how Buddhism spread throughout and eventually became the leading religion in Japan. I was able to see just how true this is with the touring of the Senso-Ji temple in Asakusa where I saw the sheer scale that 7th century Buddhist monks went to in order to practice their religion. Building a structure of that sheer size without any power tools must have been a logistical nightmare, and seeing it firsthand really showed me how dedicated they must have been to put so much time and effort into building something so complex. I was also interested to learn that the main purpose of most Buddhist temples is funerary services, which is also how they make most of their money. This was a bit shocking to me as most western religions tend to focus more on practicing the religion at the place of worship, which is not really the case for most Buddhists. Going to the Fukugawa Edo museum was a great way to almost step foot into 18th century early modern Japan. Which was characterized by urbanization, relatively high literacy rates, stable population, overall peace, and an enjoyment of arts and growing culture. In the readings about the early Tokugawa, it was quite shocking to see the seemingly widespread common theme of samurai and other devoted vassals committing hara-kiri upon the death of their lords. When the Shogun Iemistu died, 13 people committed hara-kiri which is shocking as I could not possibly imagine being so devoted to your leader that you are willing to take your own life at the news of their passing. After reading about this period, seeing a model of how this would have looked and actually walking through the buildings definitely helped to cement the reality of the past into my brain. Overall was a great educational experience and I appreciated my time spent there.

[smokefalls]

Title: Let's Go Let's Go Let's Go Author: Cleo Qian Publication Year: 2023 Publisher: Tin House Books Genre: fiction, short stories, queer lit

This was a wonderful debut short story collection from Qian. I found that each story stood on its own very well, yet they all connected to each other thematically (and, in a couple cases, had some recurring characters). Qian explores themes ranging from living in a consumerist society to struggling with loneliness, bringing to the forefront particular anxieties that East Asian women face in the twenty-first century. I like that these stories really showcase the complexities of being an East Asian woman, with each character pushing at the seams of what society expects from them. Qian takes care to explore the nuances of cultural identity in contemporary times that greatly influence the way the protagonists of these stories navigate their surroundings.

Something else that stood out to me that I found especially striking was a deep reflection on one's journey through life, specifically that everyone is at different points in their lives. While these stories were delicately crafted, I found that Qian also managed to depict the messiness and weirdness of life, especially to demonstrate how things are never going to quite work out the way you want them to. And, through it all, there's still something wonderful to find in this world.

Note: I received an ARC from the publisher.

Content Warning: emotional abuse, adult/minor relationship mentions, alcohol mentions, racism mentions, death mentions, domestic violence mention

[eudaemonia-s]

It was never about desire

I think one thing I have learned while trying to immerse myself in the states and loa community is that people want too much. What I mean is that people want to change themselves into who they think will be the most successful, who people will like and care about, or about the perception of other people. It is always about other people. It is never about who they are within their soul. Personally, I have been on a spiritual journey for many years now in search of calm and peace, for spirit and things of other-worldly nature. I want to love myself whole and magickally free. I always just wanted freedom.

I think the big misconception of states and non-duality is people are looking for a temporary fix or a fast solution to their problems. What most people have is the sense that is they have everything they ever want, if they transform into the people who are praised and worshipped for their looks or money and their status symbols, then they will be happy. At the end it is about searching for happiness. Well I am here to say that is not what it is about. At all. These are ancient knowledge that is suppose to help people self-actualize, understand the spirit more and the power we all have inside, not a hyper consumeristic, capitalistic approach to life. I think we are all getting it all wrong. The more i delve into myself and honor who I am, the way I was born, the more I understand that a lot of the things we care about are just facades to keep us locked into the boxes society wants us to be in. Hooked and trapped. 

Let go of wanting things or outcomes. Look within. Look at the spirit.